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My Bad Experience At IHOP

When IHOP offered promotional pancakes, I was all in.  Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about their staff who seemed to be at best only a little bit in and mostly far out.  But not far out groovy, far out of the realm of quality I expected from a fine breakfast eatery.  My bruncheon was very upsetting and I had to write about it on Twitter.

At the time of writing this entry on AOL, I have not heard back from the IHOP Corporation regarding my complaint.  I will be organizing a petition very soon.


‏@arfortiyef my free @IHOP pancakes had cloves in them. :( not the kind you use for cooking but someone's ash from a clove cigarette. :(

‏@arfortiyef my mom waited in line for six hours to get a free @IHOP pancake and they said, and i quote, "no senior citizens until 5am." she's only 64!

‏@arfortiyef my @IHOP free pancakes were served by a waitress whose nametag said "Jugs". the service was terrible. Jugs refused to let me try any syrups.

‏@arfortiyef i went to @IHOP to get what i deserve: a free pancake! the line stretched all the way to the back of the restaurant where glue-sniffing kids

‏@arfortiyef sorry about that, folks. my last tweet actually got cut off because it was just too long. it's really important everyone knows that @IHOP is

‏@arfortiyef gee. it happened again! sorry, i'm new to twitter and i don't really know why it cuts off my tweets. but anyway, i'm so mad about @IHOP's po

‏@arfortiyef anyway, i went to @IHOP regarding the free pancake i'm owed (and still am!) and the employees were sitting around listening to Zappa records

‏@arfortiyef i can't verify this but i think @IHOP's free pancakes were filled with eggs. #illumineggi

‏@arfortiyef marched back to @IHOP to complain to the manager about the sorry state of affairs. he replied by putting one pancake in the palm of my hand.

‏@arfortiyef if this keeps up, this interminable abuse, i'm going back to @IHOP and i'm going to mix all the syrups together and adding milk to them.

‏@arfortiyef i've been trying to get a fair shake but my local @IHOP won't serve me a milkshake or free pancakes for that matter! i'm verry annoyed!

‏@arfortiyef i know that the @IHOP manager's brother is in the Klan. Jugs told me all about it. don't think this won't get out.

‏@arfortiyef are you the manager of an @IHOP? did your tires get slashed tonight? did you put an pancake in my hand? is your brother racist? got you.

‏@arfortiyef i didn't really slash that @IHOP guy's tires but i was just saying: i could have. i stole one of their steak knives.

‏@arfortiyef i looked in the back and several @IHOP employees were doing whippets WHILE they made Fun Face Pancakes FOR A CHILD.

‏@arfortiyef didn't want to reveal this in public, but one of the waitstaff at @IHOP was eating those mints at the register and didn't use the spoon.

‏@arfortiyef i know @IHOP is equal opportunity now but this guy had a visible tattoo. please think about it. i was trying to eat!

‏@arfortiyef i went to @IHOP with my free pancake voucher and it was PACKED. can you believe the maitre 'dee put me in the smoking section? #outrage

‏@arfortiyef i said to my @IHOP waitress Jugs, "don't you know i live in a palace? i could take you away from all this. think it over, toots."

‏@arfortiyef then Jugs leaned over and her clove cigarette dropped all its ashes into my @IHOP pancakes. i was furious so i threw a drink in her face

‏@arfortiyef can you believe my waitress would not give me extra pancakes gratis? my local @IHOP should know pancakes gratis is my favorite style!

‏@arfortiyef the matre'd came over and said, "what's wrong, sir?" i said, "Jugs won't go out with me and there's a clove on this @IHOP meal." she laughed

‏@arfortiyef sorry, my tweet got cut off again! i wanted to conclude that sentence about @IHOP w/ "she laughed right in my openly-crying (macholy) face."

‏@arfortiyef insult to injury: this @IHOP did not have a TV set ANYWHERE! i missed my favorite shows and for what? a pancake stack that tasted like butt.

‏@arfortiyef whoops, i meant to say "clove cigarette butt" but there wasn't enough space. anyway, i'm going to blow up that @IHOP.

‏@arfortiyef that is to say, i'm going to blow up that @IHOP photograph i took while i was there to prove who it was that poisoned my pancakes!

‏@arfortiyef this @IHOP lacked all basic amenities that all restaurants should have: full bar, Hooters waitresses, urinals...

‏@arfortiyef well, the @IHOP didn't have a urinal in the ladies' room but my point is still valid. i want a refund on my pancakes.

‏@arfortiyef besides, what kind of @IHOP throws a guy out of the ladies' room? i was doing a scientific experiment! i had to see if they had urinal cakes

‏@arfortiyef another thing: the @IHOP i went to had no, i mean ZERO, fish options. the waitress said, "all out of Gorton's, hon." "no Long John Silvers?"

‏@arfortiyef if i could just take a moment from my @IHOP tweets, always ask about the fish options at a restaurant. it seems classy and looks cool.

‏@arfortiyef also, while i was eating my @IHOP pancakes, someone tried to sell me DVDs at my table! it was the maitr'e dee and i bought Commando.

‏@arfortiyef @IHOP: if you're going to sell bootleg DVDs at tables, please make sure your Stallone collection is properly burned. my copy didn't work.

‏@arfortiyef other problems i had trying to get free pancakes at @IHOP: angry waitress, no hot water at my place for 3 weeks now, ran out of gin...

‏@arfortiyef problems with @IHOP con't: someone slashed my tires in the parking lot and wouldn't replace them, charged me extra for lychee syrup...

‏@arfortiyef btw, did you know about the Premium @IHOP menu? it's a secret: say, "the flags fly over Belgium" and you get to see the Premium Menu.

‏@arfortiyef on @IHOP's Premium Menu: Lychee Syrup, Truffle Waffle Shuffle, Fun Face Eggs Deluxe, Eggs Tartare, Chocolate Raspberry Syrup, Potato Chips.

‏@arfortiyef my @IHOP waitress forgot to say "good morning" AND could not remember six of the 200 required national anthems. where's the "international"?

‏@arfortiyef by the end of my night at @IHOP (spent the day), 0% of the staff would look me in the eye and the mantree-d said she lost faith in humanity.

‏@arfortiyef also, speaking of international, @IHOP did not respect my religious views. they said i had to leave my ibex statue in the car. #outrage

‏@arfortiyef can i please just ask @IHOP Corp to give me the free pancakes THAT I EARNED?! why is this SO hard?! they're 90% cow teeth anyway!

‏@arfortiyef is it because as soon as i sat down, i told the @IHOP waitress that i would not tip her any money under any circumstances?

‏@arfortiyef i have a lot of beef with @IHOP and i'm NOT talking about the Angus Bangus Burger, 8oz of all-angus prime rib stuffed with pasta!

‏@arfortiyef one last thing about @IHOP: even though their Hula Homefries were exquisite and reminded me of William Blake, that soda was SO watered down!

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