When IHOP offered promotional pancakes, I was all in. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about their staff who seemed to be at best only a little bit in and mostly far out. But not far out groovy, far out of the realm of quality I expected from a fine breakfast eatery. My bruncheon was very upsetting and I had to write about it on Twitter.
At the time of writing this entry on AOL, I have not heard back from the IHOP Corporation regarding my complaint. I will be organizing a petition very soon.
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@arfortiyef my free @IHOP pancakes had cloves in them. :( not the kind you use for cooking but someone's ash from a clove cigarette. :(
@arfortiyef my mom waited in line for six hours to get a free @IHOP pancake and they said, and i quote, "no senior citizens until 5am." she's only 64!
@arfortiyef my @IHOP free pancakes were served by a waitress whose nametag said "Jugs". the service was terrible. Jugs refused to let me try any syrups.
@arfortiyef i went to @IHOP to get what i deserve: a free pancake! the line stretched all the way to the back of the restaurant where glue-sniffing kids
@arfortiyef sorry about that, folks. my last tweet actually got cut off because it was just too long. it's really important everyone knows that @IHOP is
@arfortiyef gee. it happened again! sorry, i'm new to twitter and i don't really know why it cuts off my tweets. but anyway, i'm so mad about @IHOP's po
@arfortiyef anyway, i went to @IHOP regarding the free pancake i'm owed (and still am!) and the employees were sitting around listening to Zappa records
@arfortiyef i can't verify this but i think @IHOP's free pancakes were filled with eggs. #illumineggi
@arfortiyef marched back to @IHOP to complain to the manager about the sorry state of affairs. he replied by putting one pancake in the palm of my hand.
@arfortiyef if this keeps up, this interminable abuse, i'm going back to @IHOP and i'm going to mix all the syrups together and adding milk to them.
@arfortiyef i've been trying to get a fair shake but my local @IHOP won't serve me a milkshake or free pancakes for that matter! i'm verry annoyed!
@arfortiyef i know that the @IHOP manager's brother is in the Klan. Jugs told me all about it. don't think this won't get out.
@arfortiyef are you the manager of an @IHOP? did your tires get slashed tonight? did you put an pancake in my hand? is your brother racist? got you.
@arfortiyef i didn't really slash that @IHOP guy's tires but i was just saying: i could have. i stole one of their steak knives.
@arfortiyef i looked in the back and several @IHOP employees were doing whippets WHILE they made Fun Face Pancakes FOR A CHILD.
@arfortiyef didn't want to reveal this in public, but one of the waitstaff at @IHOP was eating those mints at the register and didn't use the spoon.
@arfortiyef i know @IHOP is equal opportunity now but this guy had a visible tattoo. please think about it. i was trying to eat!
@arfortiyef i went to @IHOP with my free pancake voucher and it was PACKED. can you believe the maitre 'dee put me in the smoking section? #outrage
@arfortiyef i said to my @IHOP waitress Jugs, "don't you know i live in a palace? i could take you away from all this. think it over, toots."
@arfortiyef then Jugs leaned over and her clove cigarette dropped all its ashes into my @IHOP pancakes. i was furious so i threw a drink in her face
@arfortiyef can you believe my waitress would not give me extra pancakes gratis? my local @IHOP should know pancakes gratis is my favorite style!
@arfortiyef the matre'd came over and said, "what's wrong, sir?" i said, "Jugs won't go out with me and there's a clove on this @IHOP meal." she laughed
@arfortiyef sorry, my tweet got cut off again! i wanted to conclude that sentence about @IHOP w/ "she laughed right in my openly-crying (macholy) face."
@arfortiyef insult to injury: this @IHOP did not have a TV set ANYWHERE! i missed my favorite shows and for what? a pancake stack that tasted like butt.
@arfortiyef whoops, i meant to say "clove cigarette butt" but there wasn't enough space. anyway, i'm going to blow up that @IHOP.
@arfortiyef that is to say, i'm going to blow up that @IHOP photograph i took while i was there to prove who it was that poisoned my pancakes!
@arfortiyef this @IHOP lacked all basic amenities that all restaurants should have: full bar, Hooters waitresses, urinals...
@arfortiyef well, the @IHOP didn't have a urinal in the ladies' room but my point is still valid. i want a refund on my pancakes.
@arfortiyef besides, what kind of @IHOP throws a guy out of the ladies' room? i was doing a scientific experiment! i had to see if they had urinal cakes
@arfortiyef another thing: the @IHOP i went to had no, i mean ZERO, fish options. the waitress said, "all out of Gorton's, hon." "no Long John Silvers?"
@arfortiyef if i could just take a moment from my @IHOP tweets, always ask about the fish options at a restaurant. it seems classy and looks cool.
@arfortiyef also, while i was eating my @IHOP pancakes, someone tried to sell me DVDs at my table! it was the maitr'e dee and i bought Commando.
@arfortiyef @IHOP: if you're going to sell bootleg DVDs at tables, please make sure your Stallone collection is properly burned. my copy didn't work.
@arfortiyef other problems i had trying to get free pancakes at @IHOP: angry waitress, no hot water at my place for 3 weeks now, ran out of gin...
@arfortiyef problems with @IHOP con't: someone slashed my tires in the parking lot and wouldn't replace them, charged me extra for lychee syrup...
@arfortiyef btw, did you know about the Premium @IHOP menu? it's a secret: say, "the flags fly over Belgium" and you get to see the Premium Menu.
@arfortiyef on @IHOP's Premium Menu: Lychee Syrup, Truffle Waffle Shuffle, Fun Face Eggs Deluxe, Eggs Tartare, Chocolate Raspberry Syrup, Potato Chips.
@arfortiyef my @IHOP waitress forgot to say "good morning" AND could not remember six of the 200 required national anthems. where's the "international"?
@arfortiyef by the end of my night at @IHOP (spent the day), 0% of the staff would look me in the eye and the mantree-d said she lost faith in humanity.
@arfortiyef also, speaking of international, @IHOP did not respect my religious views. they said i had to leave my ibex statue in the car. #outrage
@arfortiyef can i please just ask @IHOP Corp to give me the free pancakes THAT I EARNED?! why is this SO hard?! they're 90% cow teeth anyway!
@arfortiyef is it because as soon as i sat down, i told the @IHOP waitress that i would not tip her any money under any circumstances?
@arfortiyef i have a lot of beef with @IHOP and i'm NOT talking about the Angus Bangus Burger, 8oz of all-angus prime rib stuffed with pasta!
@arfortiyef one last thing about @IHOP: even though their Hula Homefries were exquisite and reminded me of William Blake, that soda was SO watered down!
Woah. Just woke up from Night Of A Thousand Keg-Stands to see this totally bogus e-mail in my folder. I'm gonna have a Colt 45 to help me wake up so that I could fully process this in my brain. Julia has gone completely ballistic. And rightly so! But I'll get to that in a minlet. I've got A LOT to get off my chest.
First of all, bitches and dudes of the press, I am speaking on behalf of my fellow members of the Greek community, my Sigma Nu brothers and everyone who was at beer pong on Thursday. Hear we go.
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